dude i'm inner monologue high
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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