I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
