YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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