we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
