I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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