you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
