Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You ate ashes out of my bong
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
