I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
They took my balls.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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