I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
