it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
