: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
At least life still wants to fuck me.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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