I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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