can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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