How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
