He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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