i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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