Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
