mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
