So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
