i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
