I wish I could punch you in the face.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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