so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
