i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize