she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
