hotel room ftw
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
