the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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