Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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