I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
false alarm, still single
Randomize