What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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