It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
