He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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