I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
