She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
