The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
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why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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