Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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