He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
