3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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