was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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