what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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