I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
