Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
