when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
