anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex