My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
thanks...oh and i got my period
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
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i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
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Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?