I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground