so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
