We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
