If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
