i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
