i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
