Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
