perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
