i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
