As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
This baby is an asshole
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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