So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Randomize
