once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
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You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
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I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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