8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
