No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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