We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
