it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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