Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
