oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
