be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
