I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
