hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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