Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
