Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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