Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
