Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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