You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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