Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
