I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize