fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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