i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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