dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
